it’s exhausting — fighting with tied hands — 

you use your weakness as a weapon —  so much so that i have taught myself to use it against myself — but maybe even saying that is unfair, perhaps — what else have you to fight with? — you are too fragile to fight back — 

in my most savage moods i would begin letters — and then delete them — because they came out too too vicious — i have enough care not to inflict this white rage on you

no, we cannot have this fight — not now — not anymore — maybe ten years ago — 

to flinch from the fight was never our way — but it is now –