Best of the Transparent Hummingbird
late april he borrowed some money off me it was the good friday long weekend i remember and he was going away midweek and through the weekend and he said he’l give it back the monday after he gets back so all of monday i was kind of expecting to hear from him but i didn’t hear from him until late in the day i think 5plus and he said he was back, how are you, going for dinner with a client, he’ll text me after unreliable, didn’t wat added stress so i said ive got a lot going on and exams are soon so why don’t you just hang on to it and give it back to me when we next see each other in early may he said ok
when may came i texted him, want to meet? he told me he was quite busy and travelling for work he tol dm he was ogne from when to when so let’s plan for aftre that
now i don’t think he necessarily meant to deceive me he was travelling, on business it probably wasn’t consecutive dates but prob short times in btn anyway he’s not obliged to give me his schedule i do it all the time, i’m gone from when to when and when ppl ask me i add a few days on either end so that ppl dun start bugging me before i’m ready just to foreclose any discussions that was fine but becos he gave me certain dates and i expecte him to be away
now normally there would be no problem but a very unfortunate accident happeenfd
there is a certain restaurant he was crazy about at the time i was interested in it after he raved about it but i didn’t feel that i could go he seemed to be hanging out there all the time, almost every week and — you want to go and see it but youre afraid you’ll come across as stalking so i was in the tg pagar area having dinner with a friend after dinner i thought ah good i’m right around the corner i can go and like, check this place out safely becos it’s the one time i know for sure he’s not in singaproe but as i approached the restaurant i suddenly realised that he was sitting right there it wasn’t even like he was at an inside table he was with a group of friends, at the outside table, and we saw each other — as i approached, we looked each ohter in the face and he kind of started and i was a bit stunned and i wasn’t even all that sure it was him (to be honest) and i was stunned and numb like my face went expressionless and i didn’t stop i kept walking away in my mind i was just shocked
it felt like omg he said he coldn’t meet me cos he was travelling and here he is sitting at a bar with his friends having a good time general shock of — did he lie to me, does that mean was he avoiding me or what more boggling about the bigeger questions does it mean if he’s tired of this and tired of me and not interested in continuing this that’s fine (if so that’s ok but it doesnt mean it doesn’t hurt) but at the same time he also — i think he also reacted quite badly becos of coruse wehn you get caught you both feel guitly but yo also feel agreived and i think he thought that i was checking up on him that i had gone there deliberately and i didn’t know this until after i go thome becos my ipad doesn’t dhave wifi but it turned out he had tweeted to the restaurant that evneing to say he wanted a table and my heart sank fi he hadn’t done so and just called the restaurant normally and i knew when i saw it that this would confirm his idea that i had seen and deliberately come out to check up on him after that things went cold between us
I knew there was a misunderstanding at the heart of it and i hoped or felt maybe if ther was a chance to explain that i wasn’t stalking i really didn now But hit a point it goes irrevocably wrong, there’s no saving it this was like mid may
I did text him casually a few times once or twice in june and july, if he wants to meet, he just said no free the whole time the tone was civil and friendly i also pretended nothing wrong but i knew that he didn’t want to see me anymore, really mid july before i went to france i messaged him casually we exchanged few casual texts - i asked for some travel advice casually messages just ended there that was the last text msg exchanged
i did send a few more emails 2 only before i left i sent him a mail about the place ’m staying in and also i saw on his instagram page he got a tattoo session from this place and it’s like down the road from our firm and i dropped him one email saying oh i just saw the latest instlalment of your tattoo, v beautiful, i din noe your tatooist is just around the corner from our firm i was trying to give him an opening to maybe like just come by the firm casually so that we don’t have to specially arrange a day to meet and that’s too embarrasing and uncomfrotbale i thought if he can come by then it would be fairly formal like oh hello i’m on my way to my tatooist, oh nice office here’s your money bye running late no reply then when i got to francein august i just dropped him a one-line i’m here! with a photo of my guest house i didn’t get a reply to it either so by now i knew something was v wrong and i didn’t contact him for a long time i felt like i didn’t want to get upset durig the
sem
so basically no more response since aug 2014
so it’s clear that he didn’t want to have anything to do with me ok but that’s ok but there’s still the question of hte money which i want back
and i’m not sure what is going through his head if you’re a rational, sensible grown up and you want to end things cleanly and have nothing further to do with another person and you owe this person money the sensible thing to do is to quickly as soon as possible arrange a meeting with this person and pay over the money and get it over with so you have o obligtaitons and ties whatsoever and there’s a clean break if you keep holding on to the money then there is this connection or obligation between you i know he blocked me on facebook twitter and instagram first of all his is public and second of all i already added/followed him from long ago when we first met(he no longer uses twitter and instagram he is still active but, those are not particualrly interactive modes) but if you block her emails and she hardly ever mails anyway but if you go aroundblocking her emails while you still owe them money and
supposing someone really was a stalker but you owe them money dont you think the most sensible thing would be to quickly return the money the quicker you give it back
it’s completely irrational you continue holding on to their money while avoiding them, the very fact you have their money and the very fact you’ve made it impossible for htme to contact them by normal means means they have to resorted to stalkerish behaviour in order to get their money back
anyway i was starting my final year and i didn’t want to go into it with a lot of emotional upheaval just v distracted and unhappy so i kind of suppressed that in fact by early sept it felt like maybe my other regular relationship was petering out