Once in a while a man says something that staggers you like that time Peter told Harriet that he knew disagreeableness and danger would not turn her back and god forbid they should. (L. said: “Men close to being a person, well done indeed. If it has literary resonances, that’s just gravy.“)Well done indeed.
Most men would have just said “that program works you too hard” or “good luck” or “take care and don’t work too hard” but this, wow.
To acknowledge that what you have to do is hard; to recognise the deleterious impact it will have on your health and emotions; to be concerned, to want to extend to you that concern (which is implicitly proprietorial), but refraining from it; and to express that care and solicitude without patronising, recognising that you have the right to face your own difficulties in the pursuit of what you choose to do, but still recognising there is a cost.
That is a stunning response (of the life imitates art variety) I did not expect from a real world love interest who as far as I have ascertained has never read Sayers.
p.s.: The other kind of non-patronising response, I think, runs along the lines of “Go get ‘em’ or ‘You’ll be fine’, which is not unacceptable, because it implicitly acknowledges, takes for granted even, your competence, but really, does not offer anything in terms of either support or concern, and I think at some fundamental level simply doesn’t really, not truly, comprehend or acknowledge what a difficult thing it is you are doing. (L: file that under failings of the male intellectual, obviously. Also, note to self, how often have I dated outside my own intellectual circle — when was the last time I dated a man without a lot of letters after his name? Perhaps that is why I’ve grown used to the second kind of response that when the first comes, I am suddenly glowing inside, with unlooked for happiness.)
Best of the Transparent Hummingbird