the other day i was propositioned online (again) by a 23-year-old who gushed that he loves ‘older women’ and could show me a good time. i sigh to myself. look, i go to school with 23-year-olds. i know what 23-year-old boys are like. they are stroppy and self-indulgent and put too much gel in their hair (if the hair product industry disappeared overnight every male person under 25 that i know would be inconsolable.)

plus: if you are only 23 you’re probably really not as good as you think you are. what do you think good sex is about anyway? stamina? come back in 10 years, sweetheart, when you’ve got sensitivity and communication in your vocabulary (and when you’re not trawling the internet for your random MILFs.) thank you, but moving on.