Talking to L, who has been on overseas research leave from Harvard for nearly two years now: “I think the immense luxury of belonging to Harvard while also being able to leave its physical space has enabled me to think more about thinking with my heart, adding more care to whatever intelligence I possess.” This was in the middle of a conversation about checking our privilege, particularly while dating, and how much our judgments reflected far more about ourselves than they did those we were judging, and the institutions that have done so much in making us who we are. This is not about changing objective, meritocratic standards of what we regard as good, or competent, only that when I dismiss others for mediocrity or perceived deficits in intellectual or literary preparation I forget that I am used to being with people of a certain background, who’ve been educated at certain places, with intellectual attitudes of a certain type. And it’s all very well wanting a Peter but a lover is not, ultimately, a collaborator.
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