one of those prehistoric posts seen over at vaughn’s former internet roost. 16th century poet thomas tusser presents the ten characteristics of the perfect cheese:

1. not like gehazi (dead white, like a leper) 
2. not like lot's wife (all salt) 
3. not like argus (full of eyes) 
4. not like tom piper ('hoven and puffed') 
5. not like crispin (leathery) 
6. not like lazarus (poor) 
7. not like esau (hairy) 
8. not like mary magdalene (full of whey and maudlin) 
9. not like the gentiles (full of maggots) 
10. not like a bishop (made of burnt milk)