i know many people regard coffee as life-giving, but it is just possible that i was born about 10 cups of coffee under par. this makes me, i suppose, the opposite of sam vimes, who is knurd.

me: do you think coffee actually works? they always just seem like placebos to me and it’s the sheer strength of my belief that is actually keeping me awake.

julian: you have the wrong genotype. i wish i had access to a genetics lab. then i could type all of you myself. and of course do all kinds of unethical things with your genome.

me: do you realise that is actually one of the most romantic things you’ve ever said to me?