julian’s proud day, the prologue:j: i have to go home early because tomorrow we’re going to test the new equipment! i’m going to have to be scanned!
me: why have you personally got to go in the scanner? isn’t that what subjects are for?
j: because this stuff is new and we don’t have insurance and we might fry someone’s brain so we can only try it on ourselves!
me: then you should put an undergraduate in, on the basis that if you fry him you wouldn’t have wasted as much education…
j: since when did you become more utilitarian than me?
me: well no, i got that out of pratchett about giving dangerous spells to student wizards to try out.
julian’s proud day: part i:j: are you listening to me? can’t you be excited about my data for 2 minutes?
me: you have data everyday. why should i be excited just because you got some new toy!
julian’s proud day, part ii — the rant:julian: for six months i’ve been battling red tape and bureaucracy and insurance companies and all sorts of uncooperative people trying to get permission to do simultaneous EEG-fMRI! and i bought tons of new equipment and some of it didn’t work so i had to get more! and my japanese post-doc bravely volunteered to go into it at the great peril of his brain being fried!
[me, interrupting: but i told you, if you were going to fry anyone’s brain shouldn’t you use a gormless undergraduate? — frying a post-doc seems like a waste of education.]
julian [continuing:] …and there were bits sticking out everywhere and he couldn’t rest his head properly and he was very unhappy when he came out and i think the cap must be too tight because there were these big splotches on his forehead. i don’t know how we’ll ever persuade any subjects to go in! and the chinese post-doc said he felt ill looking at the amount of noise and he doesn’t know how he’ll be able to clean it up. isn’t that exciting enough?
julian’s proud day, part iiime, to su-lin entering: julian wants you to be very excited about his data for two minutes. okay go.
su-lin, patiently at the end: so is that it? i was expecting to be taught something about EEG-fMRI.
julian: well i wasn’t going to come at you brandishing my noble prize was i!
julian’s proud day, part ivme: so what is EEG-fMRI anyway?
julian: it’s exactly what it sounds like. you put the EEG cap on them and you put them in a scanner..
me: isn’t that what you do everyday anyway? you put caps on people and you put people into scanners all the time.
julian, patiently: no darling, not at the same time!
julian’s proud day, part vsu-lin: so actually when you say you got your first data set, how many people did you scan? 50?
me: no lah, just ONE. his own japanese post doc. it’s not his turn for the nobel prize yet.
[julian quivers in silent irritation.]
Best of the Transparent Hummingbird