April 9, 2020

aside from any question of satisfaction arising from the work itself, i find the financial independence that employment gives you extremely liberating: you can do exactly what you wanted and go wherever you wish, and what is more you would not have to think about it. (well of course there are always experiences out of your reach for sheer extravagance, and then there would be times you might need to rein in your spending somewhat, but in general you could always — and you knew you could always — afford to have the experiences you wish to have — to travel; to learn new things and acquire new skills (that is, both the receiving of instruction and the acquisition of such tools to practise them); to have things, not for mere material accumulation, but because it is a freedom too, to be able to simply acquire the things you wanted when you wanted them; to give people things too (i dislike occasional gift-giving, but i love to give things when i see something and know it would make someone happy); and to be comfortable, to say i’m tired and i will get in a cab and go home now, and not to have to pinch pennies and go on the train and sway — these are all things i’ve become hyper-conscious of, since i went back to school — and at the same time aware how my incapacitation is self-chosen, in the knowledge it is only temporary, but others do not choose, and cannot.

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